Mental Calculations

Some days (when things aren’t great) I start doing certain mental calculations.  I call them my “Divorce math”.  It goes like this:  If I was Divorced, how would this day be different?

I particularly pull this math out on days where I feel overwhelmed, responsible for everything and not getting much (any?) “help”.

Some days, it helps.  I realize that I would much worse off being divorced.  This helps me have an attitude adjustment, to appreciate my husband’s contribution to our life.

Other days…(like this weekend) I realize that nothing would change.  The worst days are, of course, when you realize that you would be better off.  Too many of those in a row and you start having other thoughts…

Yesterday, I was having one of those days… Really, I was so angry and irritated, I was acting out scenes in my head where I asked him to leave or go away … Something where he would get out of my hair.

Then he decided to go into his “man cave” for a while.   My instant reaction was to be pissed he was going away and leaving the chores to me.

Then I had to laugh at myself.  Here I was wishing he would go away and, magically he did, but instead of being happy, I was angry!

Talk about being hard to please… 🙂