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My yelling triggers

June 23, 2013

I have been reading a lot about yelling. And criticism / nattering at your kids. As well as guilt vs shame. It seems that the universe keeps sending me messages that this is a issue I need to pay attention to.

So I have been trying. And boy, oh boy has it been trying 😉

My first lesson is that nattering is what I do when I am trying not to yell, but I feel I have to DO SOMETHING… So if I can stay away from feeling like yelling then my nattering will be better too.

So why do I yell? What are my yelling triggers?

Here is the list I have come up with (so far):

  • Being hot or cold or hungry.
  • Allergies
  • repetitive noises. (This is a problem with being hot since the room air conditioners drive me a little crazy. So I avoid turning them on then I am hot)
  • Feeling rushed or late
  • When my daughter doesn’t listen to me. By about the third time, I get fed up and yell and THEN she responds
  • When I feel powerless over my children, such as when they are both running amuck
  • When I feel overwhelmed by my children, such as when my son is melting down and my daughter is talking over him, demanding my attention for something (typically something stupid!)
  • When I am upset (angry, guilty, etc) at something else in my life, such as when I just received a unpleasant email from my mother-in-law

It all comes down to taking care of myself and MY emotions.

But the most sobering realization is that I don’t know how to parent “bad” behavior without yelling or nattering. If the kids aren’t acting the way I want, I don’t have any other tools in my tool box. I feel like I have to do something or I am a Bad Mom. (Shame! Did you read this Mothering article about shame vs guilt?)

Wow. Where do we get these thoughts? And why do we tie ourselves up in such unkind judgements?

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