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Are hugs and cuddles the solution?

March 24, 2013

Ok, so I have really been struggling with my daughter for the last couple months. Arguing, bad manners, back talking, ignoring, lying, etc. I have been trying all sorts of different things, with very little success.

Last week the library finally got in the copy of “The 5 Love Languages of Children” that I requested.

Fascinating!

Ok, it should be a DUH! But I guess I never thought about it… He list his 5 ways that people can feel loved:

  1. physical touch
  2. words of affirmation
  3. quality time
  4. gifts
  5. acts of service

I realized that I thought as a parent I was supposed to give #3 (quality time) and more #3… Yet for some reason, most of the time we try to do something “special” together it never works well! my daughter and I start arguing or she would start complaining…. Totally downhill… And a disappointed and frustrated Mom (and daughter!)

The interesting thing, is that I think my natural inclination is #5 (acts of service). I am the mom who makes special bags, makes the cookies they like, packs special lunches, and cleans up her room. I like to do little things to make ordinary more special.

But after a week of thinking about my daughter and trying things, I am pretty positive that she is all about #1 (physical touch). So this week, instead of saying NO! when she asked to sit on my lap for the 10th time, I said yes and gave her a cuddle. I snuggled with her in bed. And I gave her big hugs and tons of kisses…

And in response she was pretty good this week! (until today, but now I think she is coming down with an ear infection so that might explain the bad day.)

Now, he says that you can’t really tell for a kid under 5, so I will have to wait for my son…

The other thing is that I wonder if my mother-in-law is #4 (gifts)? It would explain why my daughter comes home nearly every week with a new toy that Grandma took her to the store to buy…

There are sections on Discipline and Single-parent family’s that I haven’t read yet. But I have already seen a difference just this week. My daughter seems happier and so do I! And it wasn’t too hard! (Double bonus!)

D

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