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Can I say I’m sorry? Do I want to?

July 31, 2012

My husband has been sending me emails. (Our divorce court day is still a few weeks away…and yes, we are still “living” in the same house… 7 days since his last angry outburst. Pretty much status quo-he comes and goes as he sees fit, seeing the kids when he wants to with me taking the rest of the responsibilities.)

The latest email exchange basically boils down to:

  • if I apology, he will negotiate with me (on what I have no clue)
  • if I don’t, it is WAR (yes, his exact word)

Don’t get me wrong, I know this is another power move, another attempt to see if he can get me to dance to his tune.

Hindsight being 20/20, I am not sure I would have done anything differently which to me is the essence of the reason for apology. Everything I did, I did to protect our kids and our peaceful future.

But, he has accomplished one thing… I am thinking about it. Once again he has gotten into the center of my thoughts.

I am trying to figure out if I can type back a email response that will help the situation. I am willing to pretend or even grovel a bit, if that will give my kids a few more days of peace.

But, I have no idea what to say… Will just a “I am sorry” count? Do I need to be specific? Part of me feels this is duplicitous, but the other part is worried on how he will react if I don’t respond.

I am a straight shooter… All these games are just beyond me.

Linking up with Shell’s Pour Your Heart Out today

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. August 2, 2012 2:56 am

    Stand your ground, don’t back down. I’ve seen too many people hurt in my life with these so called promises if they did this or that with their now ex spouse. Just remember the person that matters the most is you and your kiddos!

    Stopping by from Shell’s PYHO 🙂

  2. August 2, 2012 12:47 pm

    Here’s my thoughts. Keep in mind, I’m not in your position, so only YOU know what’s right for YOU. But I did go back and read some of your earlier posts on the subject. Sounds like you’ve been pretty miserable for awhile. So WHY should you apologize, and WHAT do you have to apologize for? If you think you have something to apologize for, then by all means, apologize. But personally, that email sounds like a threat. And I wouldn’t let him threaten you. Sounds like he’s done enough of that over the years.
    My best friend went through a divorce a few years ago, and her husband used to send her threatening emails as well. I’ve been in real estate for 18 years, so if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. I told her to keep every single email, every single text, and every time he said or did something, to write it down with the date and time. You should do the same. Keep this email. To me, it sounds like a threat. Most judges don’t like people who threaten other people. Why do you have to respond to him? Let him keep sending those types of emails. In my opinion, the only person it’s going to hurt in the end, is him.
    Again, just my two cents. Sending hugs and prayers your way as you work through this situation. Thanks for pouring your heart out. I know it couldn’t have been easy.
    Mich

  3. August 2, 2012 1:10 pm

    How stressful! I don’t know if any response would be helpful at this point. 😦

  4. August 3, 2012 8:47 pm

    Totally agree that this sounds like a threat. Any response would probably just egg him on in a BAD way, especially since you don’t really know what he wants you to say. So it sounds like responding might not get you those extra few days of peace anyway… Obviously you know the man better than any of us do, but I do agree that you should save all these emails. And even start documenting some of your verbal conversations if you haven’t already. Best of luck to you! I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

  5. August 3, 2012 9:15 pm

    I’m with Mich on not knowing exactly what you’re going through, but from reading previous posts on the subject, my response to him would be, “I’m sorry you weren’t what you promised and vowed to be to me or our children.” But, I’m a smart a$$ so that may not be the best response. I will keep you in my prayers that everything goes as smoothly as it can for you and your kids. Divorces are never easy, but I hope that eventually he realizes that maybe it’s the best thing for everyone involved.

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