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Ch..Ch..ch… Changes…

February 25, 2012

I am pretty proud of myself today. I am slowly making changes in my life for the good.

In the past two days there have been two notable successes.

First, I have found a day care for my little boy to replace the two days hubby is watching him (since he is watching him in name only… Only due to the grace of the power-that-be has something bad not happened). I have been stressing for several days on how to bring up the topic and discuss with my hubby changing the child care plan. (I could easily see it turning into a huge screaming fight.)

Yesterday evening he started to talk about new endeavors he wants to do. Started to say while we are talking about changes … He interrupted with a complaint that he didn’t feel like I listened to him. So I proceeded to repeat back what he had said. His response was “oh”. Deflated that rant. 🙂

After that I proceeded to discuss that unless we made changes he would have to watch our son 4 days a week, plus girl’s pickups and school drop-offs and sick days. I sold up that the day cares have waiting lists and unless we start now he will be stuck all summer. I also proposed that maybe he didn’t want to watch him come fall? He seemed responsive and listened without getting upset. (yeah!) No, of course there was no answers or decisions, but at least I have brought up the topic and can start moving towards making it happen.

The second success was this evening. I stood up for myself and told my truth! Twice!

Daughter was home sick from school. Son was having his usual day over at my sisters. It was hubby’s day to not have kids so I volunteered to work from home with the sick girl. At about 4pm hubby wanders in because he “wants to go out for happy hour” and he might “come home to help put the kids to bed”. He pressures me to give him an answer right then. Here I was working! I said that “this was why we are having weekly calendar meetings and why didn’t he bring it up then?”. I continued to say “If I have to give you an answer right now then it needs to be no, because I have worked while taking care of the sick girl all day”. And he had done nothing. He left and my daughter (just 5 remember) said “he is going to go anyway” ….

Well, she was wrong. But only slightly. He proceeded to punish me my sleeping on the couch the rest of the afternoon and early evening. After I made dinner he woke up to join us at the table. After he ate he got up, put his dish in the sink and went to bed! It was just ridiculous. I got the kids settled then walked into the bedroom and stated “so what am I? The maid?”. He grumbled about he didn’t feel well and what do I want from him. I say “so you felt well enough to go out but not well enough to help take care of the kids? What’s with that?”. He grumbled that he needed a break, bla,bla… And I walked away.

The point was not to start an argument, but to let him know (in case he isn’t aware of it) that his behavior isn’t cool. To not take his poor treatment without any protestation.

Score one (or two!) for my team. I don’t know if I can get hubby to change but at least I am not just taking the abuse and rude behavior without any complain anymore. Sure I am still careful how and when I make these comments (last week I was pretty quiet, he was steaming kettle) but I am not silent all the time anymore either.

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