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Take the plunge?

October 3, 2011

What if you knew of something that would make a HUGE difference in your relationship.  You have read about it, thought about it, and are convinced it would work.  You have all the stuff and are ready to go…but …but…

What, you ask…are you talking about?

A couple of weeks ago I read this great book called “Forty Beads: the simple sexy secret for transforming your marriage“.   The concept is pretty basic.  Give your husband 40 beads , he can drop one bead in your “bead catcher” when he wants sex and you have up to 24 hours to find a time to get-it-on…

Brilliant!  no more guessing.  No more being surprised and disappointing your hubby.  Time to get mentally “in the mood.”  Or since my husband has stopped making moves – it would be no longer entirely in my court.

Here are my issues:

One, I feel I have to rewrite the rules… the 24 hours is too short – in reality – sex can only happen from 9pm (after boy goes to sleep) to 11pm   (or possibly during the magic of a double-kid-nap on the weekends).  So if he drops a bead – say at 9pm – in reality I have to get it on right then and there to make the 24 hour rule.  (Defeating the whole point in my book.) 

So I am thinking that for my beads – it is a 2 evening rule.

The second big issue is the worthiness…  I am really ready to take the plunge and “gift him with sex”???   Honestly, does he deserve it?  

I know, I know… it should improve EVERYTHING.  Really intellectually, I know that.  Sex has ALWAYS been his biggest complain.  His only issue.   And really, I have NEVER withheld it, at least consciously.  (More a lack of desire / lack of time together issue).   

But she makes an important point… you can’t judge the worthness of any one bead.   For example, how would I feel right now if he dropped a bead? 

Pretty pissed off!  (My morning?  He asked to sleep in.  I say no, I feel like crud.  (yucky cold)  He gets up, to sleep on the couch – preventing me from even sitting down.  I point out he isn’t participating………. he GOES BACK to BED!!?!?!))    Yeah. 

I know I should do this.  I am just not sure I am feeling adult enough to “get it on” when I am irritated with him.  Sure I know it will get better.  Really, I do.  Deep down I know that if I can suck it up – this will make a HUGE, GIANT change in our life.

Maybe it will even make it so that we can have a civil conversation about something we disagree about… that would be amazing.   Even life changing at this point.

Well, It won’t be fair to give him the beads this week – I am working  1.5 hours away – so I will be having 12 hours days at work, leaving him picking up the slack…   so I have time to mentally prepare for the commitment that this will mean…   If I can.

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