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Same, same

August 1, 2011

I have been in a bit of a …Oh, who cares about anything funk.  I am sort of sick of myself and uninspired. 

I think we all go thru this every once in a while.  We work so hard on everything… improving our marriage, being better parents, cleaning the house, et al…  that after a while we wear ourselves out and have to quit everything for a bit to recharge. 

It isn’t pretty (mine involves quite a bit of stupid TV and chocolate or ice cream or chocolate ice cream 🙂 .  Where I don’t open my email for days and have a hard time focusing at work.),  but I think it might just be part of the process of large life changes.  You can’t be on all the time.

It didn’t help that our vacation included such gems as two public fights at highway rest stops (yes, two! one on the way there and one on the way home! such fun.) 

I am in the process of writing one of THOSE letters to my husband.  You know the ones.  Where you lay out all the problems and HIS faults. Ok, maybe not one of those – but close.  I am trying to get him to realize that his anger has to be addressed.  But I digress from my “same, same” point…

I found one of THOSE lists I wrote… hold on to your hat here… on December 20…  2005.   Yes, you didn’t read that wrong ( I checked the date too!).  2005.   Yes, 5 1/2 years ago.  Only 4 months after we were married.  (OK, it was just after we redid the parts of our new house… DIY house repair is a crucible!  HGTV even has a new series with the theme of Can this marriage survive?)

There are 5 points on the list.  Although the wording is much more charitable than I would be now… I would write the same items today… with two changes:   The first item (he forgets things we discussed) seems so trite now, but I would add the huge item of the imbalance of household chores on new list. 

I also found a document with the same date on how to find a marriage counselor.

Can I just point out how DEPRESSING that is?  That I was experiencing many of the same issues with this man 5 1/2 years ago?   And I still chose to have two kids with him?  (Denial? Wishful thinking? Ticking biological clock?)

Clearly, I can’t expect these items to change…  

Can I expect him not to have angry fits in front of the children? Yes.    

Can I expect a more equal sharing of chores and work?   I think so.   

The rest? I might have to find a way to live with those… and somehow find a way to change the way I think about those issues so it doesn’t bother me.    Or…

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