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“Why do you stay?” asks the therapist

May 25, 2011

I am not sure exactly if he meant it the way it sounds, but he really did ask me “Why do you stay in this marriage?” last week.

We haven’t gone to this therapist together for a couple of years.  Hubby had been going to him for his depression up until a little while ago.  I had called for an appointment and went alone to discuss something awful that happened the week before last.  Yes, I haven’t blogged about it.  I was embarrassed.  And upset. And a bit horrified too.

If you have read some of my older posts, it won’t be a surprise that we both can get angry.  But I THOUGHT my husband knew the limits of what was acceptable in front of the kids.  Apparently, he doesn’t.  😦

One morning my daughter didn’t want to go to school. So she was doing everything in her 4yo power to stop or delay going to school.  My husband lost his temper and started shouting. I asked him to calm down.  He got more angry and louder, shouting at me now too.  He stormed – off baby in the sling nearly dragging girl down the street, still shouting at her.  I followed – starting to worry that he might hurt her… (by accident but still.)  He gets more angry, etc…    More shouting, yelling, etc. 

With my sister’s intervention (baby was going to her house) I end up taking girl to school and he storms off.

The next day, what does he say?… “I’m sorry, I lost my temper”   In the words of the therapist – “That isn’t good enough.”

Now I have to figure out …

I wrote the first part of this post a little more than a week ago.  I didn’t know what to do.  I have since told husband that I saw the therapist due to his anger after he stated that he wanted to stop yelling “That it has gotten to be a bad habit.”  

I am sure that I will need to keep on telling him when he is behaving poorly…but at least for now he is starting to realize it is a problem.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. May 25, 2011 12:18 pm

    This is a tough place to be in. I hope you can find the help and strength you need to make your decision.

  2. May 25, 2011 1:14 pm

    At least he’s owning it. I’m sorry isn’t good enough, but it is a good first step.

  3. May 25, 2011 2:03 pm

    Girl I’m so sorry. Yes, that behavior is unacceptable and good for the therapist for calling him out on it. But, yeah, now what? I hope you all will keep getting the help you need.

  4. May 25, 2011 2:22 pm

    I am so sorry. That sounds very stressful.
    What was your reply to his question??

    • May 25, 2011 6:19 pm

      I cried.

      I said that I had thought about it, but hubby was at least some help… and if he wasn’t in the picture I would have to do everything. Then I said that I would have to ask him to leave if he acted this way in front of the kids.

  5. May 25, 2011 3:44 pm

    I have left the house before because of that behavior and my son is only 5 months old! I just won’t allow it in front of him!

  6. May 25, 2011 3:56 pm

    Oh wow, I could’ve written this post. We just recently began seeing our therapist again after a similar incident (which I haven’t written about yet publicly on my blog). It happened in front of the kids and it was like a huge wake up call to me that something has to either get better or we both need to just walk away.

  7. May 25, 2011 4:41 pm

    At least he’s realizing that it’s a problem.

  8. May 25, 2011 9:12 pm

    Change is never easy, but admitting to the things you need to work on is a big step. *hugs* to you.

    Stopping by from PYHO

  9. May 26, 2011 12:29 am

    At least he can admit he has a problem. I hope it the first of many steps in the right direction.

  10. May 26, 2011 1:08 am

    Oh, I’m so sorry for you. It sounds like such a hard place to be. Hopefully he’s on the path to getting in a place where you can all be happy.

  11. May 26, 2011 2:09 am

    This isn’t easy – it can’t be. But you’re working at it, that’s the best you can do.

  12. May 26, 2011 4:36 am

    That is a tough place to be. I hope that you find a peace about it soon. I will say that communication is key.

  13. May 26, 2011 10:03 am

    {{{HUGS}}} Mama. I’m glad you took this to the therapist. I hope your husband starts taking steps to control his anger.

  14. May 27, 2011 2:40 am

    thanks everyone for the supportive comments. it really helped. 🙂

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