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Am I the problem?

May 24, 2011

Had a sort-of productive conversation with Hubby tonight. 

He stated to daughter and I that he wanted to stop yelling (more to come on the why for that…) and he would like us to tell him to take a time out.   (I mentioned that I have tried that … and he got mad so we got sidetracked for a while… but…)

After we got back to talking, I told him how I had gone to the therapist to discuss his anger and yelling.  I also told him that I don’t bring up things that bother me because I don’t want to be yelled at. That I just put up with them.

Now, here is the sticky part.   He said that he does the same thing.  Because he doesn’t want to be yelled at or disapproved of. 

Hmmm… part of me want to dismiss this as him just saying “Me too!  And I have it worst!”  because this is what he always says.  If I mention that I am tired. He has to say how much MORE tired he is.   If I am sick, he is sicker…  If I have too much work to do, he has tons… etc. 

But part of me has to think about what he said.  (Even if I don’t want to.)  Because, he really can’t do right these days.  Everything he does seems wrong to me. 

  • He goes to the grocery store – but he buys the wrong stuff and spends too much money.
  • He cooks us meat on the grill “dinner”, but he starts it too late and the kids and I are starving for over an hour, until I give up and we eat pasta first.
  • He takes care of the kids, but gets food all over the floor, I just cleaned.
  • and so on…

Really, I can’t remember the last time he did something RIGHT.  

Am I a harpy?  Is he an idiot?

Should I take a page out of the parenting manual and start looking for the good and “praising” that?

In re-reading this post, snarky comments aside, I think that is actually what I am going to try to do.

Why you ask?  Marriage Challenge #3 -Break a Pattern  I have been reading this post and trying to figure out what my pattern is… but I flip flop from one extreme to another.  (based upon whether I am “fixing” or “denying” our issues  🙂  )   I don’t know what my pattern is on the items she is listing… but it is certainly my pattern to see what he is doing WRONG!   

(Wish me luck!)

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