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What is your mental story of your marriage?

April 19, 2011

What is your personal truth?  What are the stories you tell yourself about your married life? 

I stumbled across this blog: Bad Marriage: A Man’s Chronicle of his Failing Marriage… which is a rather depressing account of the final days of a marriage.  But – cringing-ly – parts could have been written by my husband.   It made me take a hard look at our life and, maybe, see a glimpse into my husband’s thoughts about me.  And it isn’t pretty.   For example, the author complains about having sex once a month… ummm… yeah… Husband would be thrilled with that… ECSTATIC  …Sigh… 😦          (I am resisting posting excuses here….   Getting my mojo working will have to be the subject of another post.  Double Sigh. ) 

But I digress…

I have been mentally labeling Husband as a Teenager.  He comes and goes as he pleases. He is cranky and surly.  He disappears or takes naps whenever he can.  He ignores messes and leaves lights on everywhere.  When around, he is usually on the phone or the computer. 

My question is … by labeling my husband… basically thinking of him that way – Have I changed my perception of the reality of my life?   Do I see these behaviors because I expect them?     Ignoring the good things he is doing?   Or even more metaphysically – attracting those behaviors that I “expect”?

Clearly, this habit is not productive.  If I want to think of him as someone I want to spend my life with (the way I use to) I can’t continue to think of him as a teenage – even if he is acting that way right now.  🙂 

Today’s post on a blog I found over the weekend is Be the Change you want to see in you marriage.   Guess I know where to start.

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